I decided it would be in my best interests to hit the gym first thing this morning.
I must admit I do quite enjoy it in the morning, the key I have found is to not push it too hard otherwise you’ll be buggered (as in tired, not physically buggered) for the remainder of the day.
It can be quite a friendly and social place at times. Not like a pub, however it is good practise for such places. Smiling and nodding where appropriate, not staring too much at someone, keeping well clear of the roid munchers. Today was no exception.
Imagine my absolute terror when I clamber back into my car afterwards to realise I have a solid yellow booger hanging out of my nose. Well, technically it was more sort of pressed against my top lip. My initial thoughts were ‘surely that’s only just happened now’ until the realisation hit me like a ton of bricks (hitting me) that I had earlier done that rather ‘male’ ritual of blowing snot out of my nostrils only moments before entering the gymnasium. Those of you who believe in karma may well find that an amusing example of the mystical force at play.
I tried to scrape together some reasons as to how this booger could not possibly have been stuck to me the entirety of my time in the gym, but then within an instant my razor sharp memory (which deserts me in more dire times of need) whipped up several poignant moments that only really solidified my worst fears.
Like the screwed up face that met me from behind the reception desk. “Mouth like a dogs arsehole” I sniggered to myself, not knowing the joke was firmly on me.
Or the total lack of amusement shown by the hottie when we did the “I go left, you go right, no left, right” shimmy step thing where you nearly walk into each other. Apparently she didn’t fancy sharing a brief moment with Dr Grossman Snotface.
Or the general feeling of isolation and disdain I picked up on from my fellow athletes – well slightly more than usual anyway. I thought it was because of my robot boardies I was sporting... if only.
I guess that is why there are so many people constantly looking into the wall to wall mirrors at such a place. They are all on high booger alert.
No I know how the hunchback of Notre Dame must have felt – well without the horribly disfigured bump on the back, having to ring that bell, and the weekly lynch mob beatings.
Think I will cancel my membership today. I hope they don’t ask me for a reason why.
