Are you surprised? I certainly am not. This has been on the cards for far too long. You see, we live in a politically corrected snooze-fest of a planet where we are expected to all be right, all be equal, all care for each other, and all live and let live. Never ever hurt the feelings of another animal or organism even if they deserve it. Accept assault, like we accept failure, rudeness, crime, and taxes.
Somewhere in the mid 1990s the Tree-Huggers got on their high horses to save foliage. The world laughed but decided to let the little buggers spout on until they had another hit from the bong and went back to sleep on the futon. What happened next? Go cut down a tree on council land and see for yourself.
The problem is that those little stoners didn’t stop campaigning when they got the munchies. Quite the opposite in fact. They were highly successful and changed modern culture so that organics had rights. But they didn’t stop there. They turned their attentions to the animal kingdom. This is where it all goes a bit topsy-turvey – they decided to save man eating beasts instead of animals slaughtered in their millions, such as chickens, ants, and seagulls.
Make no mistake, man was once the most feared predator on earth and animals knew this. Animals understood that to mess with man resulted in death (sometimes tortuous). Man would then eat the flesh, wear the skin, mount the head on his wall, and feed the bones to his dog. The animal kingdom didn’t want a bar of this and left man to his own devices, only engaging in combat when unavoidable.
It’s a different story today. Due to inconsiderate laws and protection, these beasts (such as sharks) attack without fear of reprisal. In fact they are protected from revenge. Eye-for-an-eye policies can no longer provide sweet solace for victim’s families. Mankind is under attack and is powerless to counter tactically and viciously as was once his right. Once we would have met a shark in an honourable dual to the death. We would hook our fishy foe up by the tail on dry land, beating his muscular torso with a railway sleeper. Honour intact for all involved - satisfied and fatigued. Today’s society has no room for vigilante justice.
Chickens are still slaughtered in their millions, basted and crumbed, snuggled in-between two burger buns with creamy mayo, and sold to greasy fat teenagers…unprotected chickens.
For a summer in the late 1990s I worked on a Bermuda resort as a personal trainer. I had the pleasure of watching a local biologist, Dr Sinco Vermenza, work with local sharks which infested the beautiful beaches. He would lure dozens of sharks into waist deep water with chum and fish tails. To make himself even more inviting to a hungry shark he would butter himself liberally and apply ample amounts of all purpose seasoning before entering the moist death-marine. The first time I saw this I was terrified. The sharks arrived almost instantly, first circling him, then even nudging him. A frenzied mauling was microseconds away when Dr Vermenza administered an aggressive voltage of electricity into the surrounding waters. The sharks that weren’t killed learned a valuable lesson – beware of man. Dr Vermenza was so committed to the cause that he was also shocked to a point close to death but after several years of this behaviour he grew to enjoy the sensation of electrical current raping his innards. I think similar sciences could greatly benefit Australia.
The moral to this instalment is ‘beware who you protect as today’s minions are tomorrows vanquishers’. That hobo on the street could be your next employer, that shop assistant could be your next Prime Minister, that dog might have rabies.
Life is a fight so knuckle up.
Franco Skinns, Life Expert.
